Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Apolitical

Call me un-American, call me unpatriotic, call me a self-absorbed jerk, but I just don't get into politics. I vote, but I don't follow politics closely as, say, everyone else in America seems to be right now. Which makes me kind of a social outcast at the moment. Because when someone asks me "What did you think of the presidential debate last night?" and I say "Oh, I was watching a rerun of Project Runway that I recorded on my DVR," they find someone more political to talk to, while I sit there wondering for the umpteenth time what on earth possessed Suede to make a suit jacket with flared sleeves.

It was easier when I was younger and still lived at home, because my dad and sister follow politics very closely, and so at dinner, they'd be discussing the candidates' stances on various issues, and I could just say "Oh, well that sounds pretty good, I'll vote for that guy." (For the record, and this is important to know so that you don't think my dad is a lunatic after you read further in this post, my dad is a genius. We're talking MENSA material. Seriously. He has a PhD in biology, writes history books in his spare time, and taught himself to play piano and guitar.) But now I have to actually watch the news or read political articles online if I want to know where people stand on things. And that cuts into my valuable blogging/watching Project Runway reruns time. The other nice thing about living at home was the way my dad edited the voter's guide (this is true) - he would look through the voter's guide that came with the newspaper the week before election day, and he would decide who to vote for; then, he would go back through the voting guide with a marker, and draw mustaches, horns, goatees, etc on the faces of the candidates he wasn't going to vote for. Then, I could just look through the guide, find the people without horns or ridiculous facial hair, and those were the people to vote for. It was a much simpler time.

Anyway, I know embarrassingly little about where the candidates stand on major issues, other than what I've gleaned from those ads that both candidates are now running where they try to convince you that voting for the other candidate is a sure-fire way to end up homeless and/or dead. You know the ones I'm talking about, they're the ones that go, "John McCain doesn't care about you or your family at all. In fact, just yesterday, he told the insurance companies that he hopes you get really, really sick, and then he's going to point and laugh at you while you writhe around in agony, because he specifically told the insurance companies not to cover any illnesses that you might have, just because he's an evil person with seven houses who hopes you die" and "Barack Obama is so dumb that he plans to put the country 40 bajillion dollars into debt, just for the heck of it, and that's because his only political experience was when he was third-grade class president. And also, his best friend is a terrorist who is planning to kill your mom."

You can blame my lack of knowledge of the candidates on sheer laziness, but also a little bit on the fact that apparently I misunderstood how the political process works in America. Because, correct me if I'm wrong, I thought that I remembered from seventh grade civics class (which I got an A in... or maybe a B) that the United States government operates with a system of checks and balances involving other key players like Congress, the Senate, the Supreme Court, and NBC news. So, while it's all well and good for the presidential candidates to say things like "when I become president, I'll make free healthcare for all! And lower taxes by 75%! And Tuesday will be free ice cream day across the land!" the president doesn't actually write any laws, or levy or collect any taxes, Congress does all of that. The president just signs legislation written by congress into law, or vetoes it, and even if he vetoes it, Congress can override his decision. So, forgive me for my naivete, but shouldn't we be focusing just as hard on who's running for Congress as we are on the presidential election, since those are the people who actually write laws governing taxes 'n such? (For the record, I'm not following who's running for Congress, either.)

Anyway, I guess the whole point of this is that I'm issuing a plea to anyone reading this - if you could provide me with a voter's guide of the candidates which includes mustaches and/or horns on unsuitable candidates so that I know who to vote for, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

9 comments:

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

Hee hee hee! I have the PERFECT picture for you with horns...
http://www.ashleyquitefrankly.com/2008/08/dirty-old-man.html Go now!!

Cassie said...

well said. i'm pretty sure most people don't realize the president has little power and is more or less the guy who takes the fall for whatever crazy stuff the rest of the political yahoos come up with.

and omg i'm such a tard i dunno what kind of brain issue i'm having but thanks for letting me know about my shoes. :)

Pleasant Drive said...

Oh man, I hate politics, too. When people start discussing politics or the economy around me, they might as well have given me a sedative. I just can't care. I've tried my darndest :)

LYDIA said...

This is a most refreshing post about politics. I like how it was not one sided at all. Twice a week at work we get into big political discussions about who we are voting for, and it's just so draining after a while. I told people at work that I am not getting involved anymore in these discussions. While I would love to add in my two cents about what I think about the Obama and McCain, I am going to follow your lead and not say a thing.

Dr Zibbs said...

All I know is that there are way too many people writing blogs with 80% of it being political material. When I start reading their uninteresting views I start heading for the hills.

Former Fat Chick said...

ok, tova dear, I know for a fact that McCain said he wants YOU to get really sick, I heard him!

I alos have a freind at Ben and Jerry's who said if Obama wins we will have free ice cream at least for a full week! Just think about this when you vote, just sayin'

Besides that, I may love your Dad!

A said...

tova, I'm with you. I have a hard time following debates when gossip girl is on. It's not that I don't care, but does anyone really tell the truth? Both candidates ads are slams against the other. Maybe we could get Heidi Klum to take a break from Project Runway and get into politics?

LYDIA said...

I'm with "A" - it's hard to pay attention to anything when Gossip Girl is on. I look forward to Nov. 5th.

Tranquility said...

Too funny! I love your dad's editing system - I might try something like that (if nothing else, it could prove to be a stress reliever)!

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. ~ Calvin & Hobbes