Tuesday, December 16, 2008

So natural

Mr. Darling and I have been married for two fantastic years. Those of you who are married / hope to get married / have ever known married people know what that means. It means that we've heard the question "when are you two going to have kids?" approximately 734 times. Truthfully, the question doesn't bother me. Mr. Darling and I would love to have kids someday, but we want to wait until the end of Mr. D's residency, because Mr. D working 80 hours a week doesn't mesh all that well with the idea of us having a baby. Plus, let's be honest, I want some more "us" time where I can be selfish with Mr. D before I have to share him. I'm totally comfortable telling people that we're waiting for a few more years.

The weird thing to me is that, since I got married, every time I hold someone else's baby, someone will say to me "You look so natural holding a baby!" That just seems like such a strange thing to say. So, my questions are:

1. Did I look unnatural every time I held a baby before I tied the knot? Were people thinking to themselves, "Gosh, Tova just looks so unnatural holding that baby. I hope she doesn't drop it."?

and 2. How exactly does one look unnatural while holding a baby?

Well, like that, obviously. But still, when most people hold a baby, they look pretty natural unless they're swinging the baby by its foot or something. Also, I think I look reasonably natural holding a number of things, including my cats, food, and the remote control, but I have no desire to ever give birth to any of those things. Maybe I'm just the kind of person who looks natural in any number of situations.

(If anyone out there is trying to guess my secret identity, this is your clue - if you see a 20-something woman with dark hair, ask her to hold a baby, or if you don't have a baby handy, a cat. If she looks really natural, it's probably me.)

However, unfortunately for my parents (who are jonesin' for another grandchild) and for the babies that I will someday hold quite naturally, the baby thing is going to have to wait. Because correct me if I'm wrong, but I think there might be a bit more to being a mom than looking natural while holding a tiny human.


That damn expat said...

Thank you Tova for writing this!
Now I don't have to, I can just link to you.

Legal Diva said...

I love this post. It reminds me of when I hold other peoples babies now, and they ask if I will have any more. People! Are you kidding me?!? I have 5, I will gladly hold your tiny human and gladly give it back when it cries. I have no desire for more tiny humans of my own. Thats what grandchildren are for. :) Stick to your guns on this one- you'll have plenty of time to naturally enjoy them later.

Smalls said...

ha ha ha, did I push you over the edge with all my baby talk?! Trust me, I wish I still felt the way you do! :)

Sassy Britches said...

My parents waited 8 YEARS before they had my brother! Plenty of time, my friend, plenty of time. Enjoy your husband and married life with just the two of you as long as you want before adding another into the mix.

I'm trying to piture you swinging a baby around by the foot. :)

Tranquility said...

Haha... well, get used to the question and assumptions and stupid comments for however long you wish to wait. I can tell you from 11 years' experience that they don't stop coming - ever!

You're right - you have all the time in the world to have babies when YOU are ready for them. Ebjoy the private time with your husband for awhile because once it's gone, it will be a looooong time before you get it back!

Sharon said...

I'm here from Dad Gone Mad's Comment Your Balls/Boobs Off challenge. I love your blog and will definitely be back!

Definitely don't rush having children until you are ready for them. Once you have kids YOUR LIFE IS NEVER THE SAME. I love, love, love my kids and would not trade them for anything in the world (and they're teenagers, so that's sayin' something), but I had them when I was ready - and had already sowed all the wild oats I was gonna (there are fields of oats out there with my name on them), and felt completely ready to devote myself to kid time.

Have 'em when YOU'RE ready, not when everyone else wants you to be ready.

kim said...

I stood in line at a Walmart once holding a bag of flour. A man behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said, "You're doing the mama rock, ya know."

And I WAS! I was rocking a bag of flour to sleep while waiting in line.

I'm going to be a kick ass mom.

Pacing the Panic Room said...

What an amazing capture of Bush. Holy cow!

I married into fatherhood becoming an instant dad of an awesome 4yr old boy and found it funny that friends would say things like... I always knew you would make a great Dad! Weird how all I had done leading up to meeting my wife was drink downtown 6 nights a week working as a bartender.

I think looking natural with a baby just means it doesn't scream bloody murder when it's near you. Baby's can smell fear like bees & dogs.

A. said...

Love the post, & I get the same questions all the freaking time! It seems that, as time goes on (we've been married for 3 years now), both our families are strengthening their efforts to try and convince us to have lots of babies RIGHT NOW!

Personally, I love to exaggerate the time frame we have in mind, & scare the eager-to-be-grandmothers by saying that we'll wait a loooooooooong time before we have kids - if ever- it's so much fun to watch their horrified faces... Yes, a bit evil, I admit.
But, who says that I can't turn their annoying nagging into a laugh?

Laura said...

This is so true. When your dating people ask when the wedding, at the wedding they ask where will you move to and then on the honeymoon the kids question starts. Why are we never ok with the here and now? Congrats on your anniversary.

Cora said...

Great photo - that will have me in giggling fits for days!!

ÄsK AliCë said...

Ugh this is so true!

Well my sister and her hubby have a baby now but they got that all the time before! It would annoy me for sure. It's like the "when are you getting marred" comments. Like seriously, when are you going to shut up?

ALSO, I've been told I look "so natural" with a baby by like 5 RANDOM people. What does that even mean? I'm not pulling a Britney and dropping the poor thing?

MelO said...

YES!!!! OMG... there is DEFINITELY more to it than just looking natural holding a baby... what a stupid thing to say.

Lol... I'm sure it's supposed to be a compliment... but really. Come on!

p.s. I totally saw you at Wal-Mart today ;)

pj said...

It never stops, my daughter is 18 months and people just ask about the second one. Some ppl are nervous wrecks around babies. These are the same ppl who tell you not to have sex, and are now pushing you to get it on unprotected. Go figure.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Fear not Tova! Being a mother is the natural thing in the world. Once you have a child this wonderful power takes over and all your worries about being able to care for that child proplerly melt away. It's like you instantly become a pro at first glance of your precious child.

It's when they become teens-that's when you begin to question whether or not you were meant to do this!!

So you've got PLENTY of time.

Megan said...

I've *always* gotten that comment, too. And now that we're dealing with infertility, I despise the expression!

There's an award for you on my blog. =)

ley said...

I love this. lol. Although, I just got married this past summer, and I haven't been asked that much. I'm one of those people who look exceptionally unnatural holding small humans, though, so that's probably why.

(Although to be fair to me, I've only held, like, three babies in my life. One was my friend's spawn that got passed around in a circle, one was another friend's 5 DAY OLD BABY that was set on my lap, and one was my baby cousin when I was two. I rolled her down a hill.)

Kat ONeill said...

Excellent post :)

It reminds me of the below copied joke;

"When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ‘You’re next.’

They stopped doing that when I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.”

Steffunny said...

My thoughts exactly! I am going to anonymously forward this to my mother in law.

gorrión said...

I guess it never ends. I don't even have a bf right now, so I'm always being asked, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Really, how am I supposed to answer that? "I am too repulsive." or "I don't shave my armpits (I do really)." or "I hate men for all the awful things they've put me though."

Of course, I have gotten every question in the book, considering that I am a HR admin asst for a large plant. Guys, in some flailing attempt to flirt, I think, often ask me if I have kids, if I am married, when am I going to get married, when am I going to have kids, why don't I have any kids, where is the picture of my boyfriend? It's exhausting!

la mujer libre said...

Ahhhh... we all have our crosses to bear... with me the question was not: when will you have a baby? But 'when will you stop having babies...?'

I've got 5. And I'm a pretty un-natural 'kick ass' kind of Mum... that's according to the combined wisdom of my 19, 16, 12, 8 and 6 yr olds...

The only thing I'd add is that there truly never is a 'good time' to have a child. My first came after my first degree; my second after my second degree and my third after my post-grad and my fourth when I was training and my fifth when I should have known it would deal the death blow to my 'career'... all have ensured I'll need to work til I die and all have ensured that I am happiest when surrounded by them and their noise and their chatter and their energy!

Enjoying the blog!

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. ~ Calvin & Hobbes