Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Let's be friends

I got a Facebook friend request yesterday (on my personal Facebook account, not on my Tova Darling account) from a person whose name I didn't recognize. I looked at the guy's picture, but I still didn't know who he was. That's not totally unusual; I run a Facebook page for my job, and I occasionally get friend requests from people who are interested in contacting our office and not me personally. So I'm checking out this guy's Facebook page for some clue as to whether or not I know him, when I notice his place of employment...

It's the place where an ex-boyfriend of mine works (or at least he did when we were dating). This particular company is pretty small and only has one location, so it's unlikely that it's a coincidence. There's basically no chance that I would know this guy any other way than through my ex.

I am on good terms with all of the guys I've dated except for this particular ex. Other than Mr. Darling, there were four other guys with whom I had a relationship that lasted 6 months or longer, and the other three guys are already my Facebook friends. (Just for the record, Mr. Darling knows I still keep in touch with these guys periodically through Facebook, and he's totally ok with it.)

The only one I don't talk to at all is the bad ex. We dated for a year, and then I found out that he had been lying to me about all sorts of shady crap that he was doing. When I found out about his lies, I confronted him, and we went through a period of a few weeks where I was talking about breaking up with him but hadn't done it yet (lame, I know), and he was begging me not to. Except that it turns out he was sleeping with his ex-girlfriend while begging me not to dump him.

So, I broke up with him and told him never to talk to me again. Apparently, he translated that as "please continue to beg me to take you back for the next year or so, because eventually I might cave." I didn't cave, of course, but that didn't stop him from trying. I refused to take his calls and blocked his email address, so he took to calling my friends and my roommate and begging them to meet him so that he could give them flowers/letters/various gifts to pass along to me. When that didn't work, he started getting his friends to call me from numbers he knew I wouldn't recognize. By the time we'd been broken up for two months, I had stopped answering my phone altogether. Up until a year after we broke up, I was still getting the occasional hang up call and periodic text messages from him that said things like "How's it going? I miss you."

Less than a year and a half after I broke up with him (and just a few months after his last "I miss you" text message), he married someone else (which I found out when I ran into his sister at the mall.) It was kind of a relief to hear that he was married, because I hoped that it would mean he was done trying to win me back. And I haven't heard anything from him or any of his friends since he got married... until now.

The thing is this - how many of you remember the first and last names of an ex-girlfriend who your coworker dated six years ago and who you may have met one time at most? Anyone?? I sure don't. In other words, I think my ex is asking his friends to contact me on his behalf yet again. Over SIX years after we dated. Because I don't remember the guy who friend-requested me at all, and I would have definitely recognized his name or his face if he'd been one of the bad ex's close friends while we were dating.

I wouldn't have even thought it was so strange if the bad ex had friend requested me, but the fact that his coworker did it? Weird! I'm half-tempted to send him a message and say "Um, do I know you?" But... maybe not. I can't decide. Obviously, I don't have any feelings (either positive or negative) toward the bad ex anymore, and I'm kind of curious to see why the heck his coworker would try to get in touch with me. Mr. Darling says go for it because he thinks it will be funny to see what the guy says, but Elle has more than her fair share of crazy guy stories, and she thinks I should just ignore it. What are your thoughts?

22 comments:

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

Oh I love good FB stories. Well, I think you should send him a message. I guess you can do that without accepting the friend request. However, that's only because I love juicy gossip. And I bet that's what this could turn into. I have my TV soaps, my real life soaps and now I am all excited about FB drama. What is wrong with me! Whatever you do, it will still make an interesting story!

.::~P~::. said...

AH Speaking of Facebook... I got rid of 3/4 of my list last night because of the drama random ppl provided...

This guy might be random... on the other hand he might be linked to him... either way I say ignore it.

If it IS linked to your ex... :S I've been having the same problem with mine.. 2 of them actually they just won't leave me alone ..I called the cops on one finally and haven't heard back.

People are weird and obsessed out there :S

Comedy Goddess said...

I am not anyone's friend. On Facebook I mean.

Gwen said...

While my curiosity is certainly piqued I think it's safest to ignore it. If it is him he's got some real issues over you.

Dr Zibbs said...

That Facebook is a curse. That's why I only befriend bloggers.

Always a Bridesmaid said...

Ignore the friend request. That will drive your ex more crazy than if you sent some snide remark. (Assuming, of course, that he's the one behind all of this... which totes sounds legit to me.)

ninirific said...

Yea, I'd ignore it too. =)

Cora said...

Tova, as someone who has been stalked by an ex for 11 years (yes, 11 YEARS) I say don't do it. Don't even start. It will snowball and you will find your ex spying on you from the bushes in your backyard! If after six years your ex can't leave you alone, there is something very wrong with him. Don't give him any encouragement. It could easily turn scary. Again, I'm saying that because I have been there.

Tranquility said...

Hmmm... could he have linked to you through a friend of a friend of a friend's page? I've had friend requests come to me this way from people I haven't seen in twenty years and who I would not have thought of as a friend anyway.

That's a toughy... it could be fun to see what the heck is going on. But maybe it's better to leave it alone. It's hard to say. Sorry. I'm just no help with this sort of thing.

BUT - if you want to know what I would do... I would answer his request (my curiosity would definitely prevail)!

Sassy Britches said...

Hmmmm...I was going to say go for it, especially since Mr. Darling is on board. I mean, a harmless, "Do I know you?" would clear it all up. If he says you met through the ex, then ignore it. No harm no foul. But now everyone is scaring me, so I just don't know!

Laura said...

It would be really entertaining, but I say ignore it!

RB said...

I'd ignore it. That will cause more of a ruckus than sending the infamous, "Do I know you" message.

Son of a Thomas said...

Don't do it. Better happy then "What the f***!" I always say.

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

DO NOT DO IT! He is NOT normal and you do not need that kind of drama in your life (did you not read my post on how I know I'm not crazy? Why am I the only one that listens to myself?) Seriously, Tova-don't. If it was 6 years ago and he's starting up now again maybe his dumped him (for obvious reasons-leopards don't change their spots)and now he's thinking that he needs a good woman, one that REALLY loves, in his life. Girl, don't do it, I'm telling you...

Stine said...

Facebook: the place for people who should not be (or no longer be) in touch. Just ignore it, it will end the whole episode a lot faster.

Ryan Ashley Scott@Optimistic Cynicism said...

Eh, if you have a curiosity problem (I do) then message him. Otherwise, what's the point? If you do, though, I want to know more! :)

Jules said...

Ignore Ignore Ignore
You've got too much fun going on in your life to open the door to this. If there's something huge to know, you'll find out without giving this guy an in to all your FB biz...

LegalMist said...

I agree with Cora -- ignore.

The ex sounds like a stalker, and you don't want to encourage that, in any way. It could be harmless and annoying, but it also could be dangerous.

If it turns out you know the guy who emailed you some other way than through your ex, you'll eventually run into him and he can ask, "why didn't you 'friend' me?" and you can say, innocently, "What? Oh, I must have missed your message. Send me another."

Bella@That damn expat said...

I'm with Elle, ignore it.
It would make for great blog fodder but it's still not worth it.

Wilwarin said...

haha, the ad on the side of the page says "want to get your ex back?" now that is classic. i would say message for curiosity's sake, but don't cos you don't know him and you don't want your ex back. i did have a definite opinion but then i was swayed so now i'm a bit on the fence. it makes a good story anyway!

Cheryl said...

Some guys are just really weird.

I hate Facebook, it always causes such unnecessary problems.

giraffegirl524 said...

i wouldn't do it.. just ignore it. facebook is something... i had an ex that kept contacting me on there, he would send me a friend request. i would add him. the next thing i know, i get another friend request from him because he had either deleted me or deleted his profile. and now, he's not on there, thank goodness, cause i wouldn't add him again. it was just a big stupid mess..

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. ~ Calvin & Hobbes