Friday, January 23, 2009

What's your name?

Let me start this post out by saying that I'm madly in love with Mr. Darling, and that I'd be willing to do just about anything for him. Having said that, I'm about to vent about one of the most annoying parts of getting married - the name change.

Seriously, what the heck? I've been married for over two years now, which means that I've legally been Tova Darling for almost as long. Two weeks after Mr. D and I got married, I went to the Social Security office and legally changed my name from Tova Sweetness (naturally) to Tova Darling. Then I got my name changed on my license, my bank accounts, credit cards, everything.

Fast forward to last week, when my bank sent me a new debit card because mine is about to expire, and the name on the card was Tova Sweetness. I called the bank and had an extremely annoying conversation with a terribly unhelpful person who kept asking me what name I had told them to put on the card and if I had remembered to tell them to use my married name. Um, A - I didn't order the card, it was sent to me automatically, and B - I was unaware that I had to ask my bank to only use my legal name on my debit card after having changed my name on my bank account two years ago. Yesterday, I had to go to the bank to deposit a check, so I asked the teller if he could make sure that my name was right on my account. He looked at my account and noticed that while the name on the account was Tova Darling, elsewhere in their system, I was still Tova Sweetness, but he couldn't correct it, so he sent me to someone who could. Except that she apparently couldn't find the name Tova Sweetness anywhere on my account, and she kept talking to me like I was some sort of inept moron who didn't know her own name. So, somewhere in the recesses of my bank's database, I'm still Tova Sweetness, and nobody knows why or where or how.

Also on the "let's pretend that Tova never got married or changed her name" bandwagon are my cable company (which is happy to accept monthly payments from Tova Darling but will only send bills to Tova Sweetness) and my health insurance company (which, despite at least a dozen name and address change forms sent by the human resources department, refuses to believe anything other than that my last name is Sweetness and that I live with my parents.) It's very annoying.

Did anyone else have this kind of trouble so long after changing your name? Go ahead, talk about it; you're among friends here.

24 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm sure it's a major pain but at least you changed your name.

Comedy Goddess said...

Some institutions are so very reluctant to acknowledge our changing names. It's a quagmire.

Sassy Britches said...

Sheesh, what a mess. If I ever get married, maybe I might NOT change my name, if for no other reason than to save the headaches of dealing with a bunch of dummies! I hope you get everything worked out...maybe when you're like 90. :)

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

I didn't offically change my name until 5 years into the marriage. : ) Don't ask me why, maybe I was foreshawdowing the fact that I wouldn't be married for that much longer. Or maybe I was just lazy who knows!

Errant said...

oh .. here we never face such problems .. coz we don't change our family names after marriage .. and i like it this way actually .. i don't need extra things to think about the man i'm marrying .. like his family name for example? does it match ? lol

Cora said...

YES!!!!! I went through all the same BS. It was sooooo frustrating. I feel your pain, Tova. This is EXACTLY why when I got divorced I refused to change my name back and kept my ex-husband's last name. I just couldn't jump through all those hoops again at that point in time. True, I would LOVE to not still have my ex's name tainting mine like it does, but the only way I'm going to change it is IF I get remarried.

Bella@That damn expat said...

Two years? That's what awaits me? Really?

I changed my name straight away and I'm dealing with problems left and right, but I figured that's because I live on another continent.

Adriana said...

Both my maiden and married names started with the same letter. About a month after we were married I was on the phone making an appointment for something. I gave them the correct name but when they asked me to spell it I spelled my maiden name. I think I did that 3 times before I figured out that it was me that wasn't getting it not the person on the phone that kept asking me to repeat myself.

Dingo said...

I'll probably open up a can of worms here, but why change your name at all?

.::~P~::. said...

This would've been less annoying if the wedding didn't go down...TWO YEARS ago...

what the hell??

I'll let you know how much trouble I get into for changing my name...when I get married...eventually :(

Cathy said...

I got married in November 2007 and had all the same issues... Now my bank has my married name on all my accounts except my car loan. Which means that *technically* my car is illegally registered in the wrong name because my bank can't seem to figure it out. Honestly, I just gave up trying because I'll probably have the car paid off before they fix it!

Moi said...

the name change process is annoying and a huge hassle! I dont know if I had it to again if I would change it at all.
My business cards still read my maiden name and I got married a year ago - I keep crossing them out and handing them to people. It is very professional.

Call Me Cate said...

I didn't have problems when I got married - but I was quite young and didn't have many established accounts at the time.

I'm seriously considering legally changing my first name though, and while the actual name change paperwork isn't a hassle, changing all the accounts afterwards freaks me out. So for now, I remain as I am.

The Polka Dotted Owl said...

I can totally relate...Wait no I can not! I am not even married, and I am almost 24!!! Ahhhh, what the fudge?! Thanks Tova for this reality check:)
Sorry you had a 'Bourne Identity' day.

fallgirly said...

So far so good. However, it's just been 6 months so perhaps the maiden name will come back to haunt in the future.

Former Fat Chick said...

hmmm, another good reason I NEVER changed my name!

1. I like my name, it is part of who I am.
2. My Daddy has only girls...I thought someone should still use our family name!
3. It annoyed my mother *hahaha* and drove my in laws nuts!

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

I didn't change my name. Too much a pain in the ass. Plus I love to watch my husband squirm when they call him "Mr.Pieceococonut" HAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's always good for a laugh. I also got married when I was 32 so everything I had done (financially, professionally, etc.) I had done with MY name (I also worked freelance so there was NO WAY I could change my name professionally) so I didn't see any reason to do that. It's not like it made us any LESS married. I did add it to my driver's licence though to make some things easier regarding banking, etc.

Tova Darling said...

You guys are all fantastic and interesting! I just wrote another post about my reasons for changing my name, because we all know I'm too long-winded to confine it to a single comment. Weigh in, won't you?

Megan said...

I don't remember ever having any major issues. I know I carried my marriage license around with me for quite some time, just in case, but maybe I was just lucky that it went pretty smoothly. lol

Your situation would definitely be very annoying!

Kristy said...

Ha ha - that stinks!
My only issue was after I got married, I soon transferred to a different university. I HATE all the "My name is Kristen, but I go by Kristy" crap, so I just thought, "Screw it." So one the first day I looked like the moron who didn't know their name. Given name I don't go by + new last name = idiot....

Kristy said...

Ha ha - that stinks!
My only issue was after I got married, I soon transferred to a different university. I HATE all the "My name is Kristen, but I go by Kristy" crap, so I just thought, "Screw it." So one the first day I looked like the moron who didn't know their name. Given name I don't go by + new last name = idiot....

Laura said...

I fortunately didn't have any problems other than the simple fact that I tried to avoid it as long as my husband would let me (which wasn't very long!). I had a fear that it would be a terribly frustrating process.

LegalMist said...

These types of issues are exactly why I didn't change my name when I married. I am *way* too lazy to deal with this much nonsense!

Good luck to you, Sweetness, er, I mean, Darling!

Gwen said...

By the time I was divorced I had only notified about half the people who need to know about the name change. I just completed the other half and kept his name because it was easier.

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. ~ Calvin & Hobbes