So, I'm mildly obsessed (is that an oxymoron?) with Google Analytics. For those of you who may not know, Google Analytics tells you all sorts of interesting things about your blog (or other website) traffic: how many visitors you have, where they're from, how long they spent looking at your site, etc. My favorite feature is the "search terms" which tells you what word or phrase someone typed into a search engine that led them to your blog. That one is SO much fun, because it cracks me up when I know that people had to be completely disappointed when they see that my blog isn't at all what they were looking for. For example, ever since my Totally Awkward Tuesday post about a completely innocuous, modest shirt that for some unexplained reason reminded my ex boyfriend's mom of kinky sex, I regularly get visitors who found my blog when they searched for the phrase "kinky sex." And you know they've got to be so mad when they're like, "Yess! A blog about kinky sex!! ...wait... this is just a picture of a shirt with safety pins on it." Hahaha! I crack up just thinking about it.
Other real search phrases that have led people to my blog include:
"Congratulations! You have matched," "medical residency matching program," and other variations on that theme. - I'm totally an expert on Match Day!
"Picture of my feet" - At least they got what they wanted with this one.
I've lost my phone and it's on vibrate - You and me both, friend. Did you check under your ottoman?
Nothing smells as good as Tova - Thanks! I wear Curve Crush.
Subway eat fresh porn - What would that even look like???
What to do when he says let's be friends - Just move on, honey.
Birth control: rhythm method vs. lucky rabbit's foot - They may or may not be equally effective. Good luck with that.
And my very favorite... Can I get pregnant if my husband... (I'm censoring this one. Let's just say that her husband deposited his, um, seed in somewhere other than her baby-making area.) - Unfortunately, my blog didn't answer this question when this poor wife did a search, so I'll remedy that right now. The answer is no. You're welcome.
If you have Google Analytics (or something else that tells you what search terms brought people to your blog), what's the funniest phrase that brought someone to you? And if you don't have it yet, what are you waiting for?