Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Let's have a pity party for Tova

Next week, I will wax philosophical about how moving to a new state where I don't know anyone is going to be a growing experience for me. Today, I just want to say: I am moving away from everyone I know (with the very important exception of Mr. Darling) and from the city I've lived in for 20+ years to a place where I have no friends and no family and no job with amazing coworkers. And it SUCKS. This has all just hit me within the past 48 hours. Before, all I was focusing on was how happy and proud I am of Mr. Darling for getting his first choice of residency programs and on the awesome house we found to live in (rent, not buy). Then suddenly, it occurred to me that I am leaving everyone I've known for the past two decades. Mr. Darling and I were taking a walk and I started crying in the middle of the street because I am going to have no friends in our new city. So, if you all could play the world's saddest song on the world's smallest violin for me, that would be much appreciated. (Where the heck did that phrase even come from? Anyone care to research it for me?)

Don't forget to submit your horrible/funny/interesting moving and packing stories so that you can be a guest blogger for Tova's Moving Extravaganza. As of last count, I had... let me see... zero entries. So, I need yours! Puh-lease? You can email them to me at tovadarling(at)gmail(dot)com. And while you're writing, I'll just be sitting here feeling sorry for myself.


Adriana said...

Oh, Tova :( I know exactly how you feel...

The bad news is that it will take time, it sucks to get lost cause you don't know how to get anywhere, not everyone you meet will want to be your new BFF, starting over is a lot of work (finding new doctors, hair salon, place to buy groceries, church, etc, etc), and sometimes you might resent your hubs just a little for forcing you outside of your comfort zone.

The good news is that you will be more independent and confident then you ever knew was possible, you can reinvent yourself to be who you want to be, you will meet new friends, you will find new places that you will love (to eat, shop, visit), and you will have a stronger marriage because you will be forced to depend solely on each other and your communication skills with each other will unfold before your eyes.

Embrace this change and hang on cause it will go fast :)

SkylersDad said...

You know what the good news is? Wherever you go, we will all be there with you!

Gaston Studio said...

You know what? With Adriana and SkylersDad's comments, they've said everything I was going to say... and they're both absolutely right!

Legallyblondemel said...

It does suck. I'm sorry. I'm going through something similar now, and what I can offer is that it slowly gets better. So slowly you often don't even realize it, but it happens. One day you have your house & your friends & you won't even be sure how it all happened, but it does & it will.

Up Rooted said...

I also know how you feel. I have learned that my marrage has gotten stronger but sometimes it sucks when you want a girls night out. I have made friends with co-workers but its not the same.
I just keep telling myself in due time I will have a good group of friends again.
Sometimes its fun to go driving around and explore the new area.
Granted I moved from living in a city with 200,000 people to a city with 4 milion. Go figure!

Fancy Schmancy said...

Sweetie, don't minimize your feelings! You are going through 2 of the most stressful life events simultaneously: moving and loss/change of job. Add to that the iffy financial status, knowing no one where you are moving to, etc. You are allowed to have your feelings. Knowing you just a little bit, I'm sure you are going to be fine. You are an intelligent, competent, capable, humorous, remarkable woman. I would seriously doubt there is anything that you cannot overcome. So let go a little bit, and enjoy this adventure. Don't forget to let us know how it goes.

ÄsK AliCë said...

Awww I'm sure you'll make loads of new friends in no time!!

I've lived in the same city my whole life and am planning on moving across the WORLD next year. So ya, I get the freaked out thing!!

Good luck with moving and I'll try to think of some funny moving stories to send you!

Cathy said...

Aww... some days you just need to have a pity party. And you have good reason - change is hard!

And like someone else above me commented - you'll still have us :)

Miss E said...

I'm sorry, that does stink. At least you have all of us with you in Blogland! And little by little it will get easier. Thinking of you!

Always a Bridesmaid said...

I've met some of my best friends when I was in my mid-20's. So don't think of it as leaving your old friends... think of it as finding new ones! BTW, I don't think you'll have a hard time making new friends, Tova. (And if you were moving to Cleveland, I would totes be your friend!)

So Not Mom-a-licious said...

I don't blame you for being sad! Moving sucks! I've lived in San Diego for almost my entire life and have to leave this perfect city for Texas. I'm not happy about it. But it was for my husband's job. I honestly never thought I would ever leaeve this place. Ever. So we can have a pity party together. Just bring lots of wine and sad love songs. Those always seem to make you cry harder.

Elizabeth Cobb Durel said...

Tova, It may be more fun than you think. You'll have new experiences and (with some effort) meet new people, but will still have all of your old dear friends, too. Overall, I've found that the hardest time with big moves are about a month before you leave and then about three months after you get there. The first is all about the anticipation and sadness of leaving. The second is after you've done all the exploring and the newness wears off and you realize that this is where you are. But the good news is that it all gets better and I'll bet anything that you will be just fine. Also, it's really fun to do it all with you best will seal you up even more...I look forward to reading all about your adventures.

Tranquility said...

Hang in there.
It will be fun! You'll see. :)

My husband and I got married almost 11 years ago and we've been moving ever since - 4 states and I've lost track of how many cities.

The great thing is that the internet makes it so easy to keep in touch with everyone - no matter where you are - and just think of all the great opportunities you'll have to make new friends!

One of the first things we do after a move is to find all the best local restaurants. Each time we move, it seems like we discover a new favorite food too. Our last home had a fantastic Thai restaurant and our latest move has placed us in a location that has the best sushi we've ever had!

When you get to your new home, you should go to the visitor center and spend a few weeks being tourists and seeing all the sights. You'll soon know more about the area than most of the locals. ;)

It might be a challenge at first, but there is so much potential for fun and new experiences too!

Tova Darling said...

You guys are all so comforting and encouraging!! Thank you all so, so, so much for your support!!

Mrs4444 said...

Here's a site you might like! I just came upon it this week: It connects you to bloggers in your area; maybe you'll meet some folks before you even get to your new home.

I know what it's like to move like that. It's scary, but it also bonds you as a couple, especially when it comes to parenting. Obviously, your husband will be busier than most, but I'm sure you will become fast friends with the other "widows." :)

My best advice to you (because I've been there) is immerse yourself into the community, even if you know it will be short term. You're going to need the support.

J&D said...


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