Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Eyes like a cheetah

Today, I substitute taught fifth grade. There were three classes that switched for three different periods. Luckily for me (and for the youth of America), I filled in for the Language Arts teacher and not for the math teacher.

There was the normal ratio of class clowns to obedient kids, and apparently the teacher rewards the obedient children by letting them eat lunch with her. I let one class clown eat with me and the good children, because toward the beginning of class he sadly told me that he sucks at everything and it broke my heart. So apparently I don't reward good behavior so much as sadness.

Fifth graders are still young enough to think it's cool to hug a teacher, but old enough to ask me for advice on what to do if they like a boy who doesn't like them (My answer: "Umm, I don't know if there's anything you can do." Really helpful, Tova.) Rather than telling you about the entire day, I will share with you the following quotes -

Me: "What are you eating?"
Student Who Is Chewing Something: "My paper."
Me: "Why are you eating your paper???"
SWICS: "Because I want to."
Me: "Um, we are not eating paper today. Go spit it out."
(SWICS goes to the garbage can, then comes back to his desk. I hand him a new piece of paper.)
SWICS: "Can I eat this one?"

Sweet Little Girl Who Asked For Love Advice: "What does your ring say?"
Me: "It says 'I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.'" (Side note, Mr. D gave me the ring for our third anniversary. Awwww....)
SLGWAFLA: "What language is it in?"
Me: "Latin."
SLGWAFLA: "Are you Latin?"

Adorable Little Boy: "Your eyes look like Cheetah eyes."
Me: "Haha. Thanks?"
ALB: "They kind of freak me out."

Different Boy Who Was Fascinated By My Eyes: "How did your eyes become green?"
Me: "They've always been that color. I was born that way."
(Five minutes pass. DBWWFBME raises hand.)
Me: "Yes?"
DBWWFBME: "How did your eyes become green?"


Auntie Em said...

Children are hilarious! Are you Latin? I nearly cried I was laughing so hard!

Autumn said...

hahahaha I love it!! My daughter keeps telling me she's Latin I have to reply with "Actually you're Italian, we don't say we're Latin." At this point my other daughter (who is too bright for my own good) says "Mom... aren't we all technically a little Latin, I mean thats kind of where we come from way way way back somewhere right?" To which I'm nervously wondering if I can google the answer before she realizes I dont actually know that one. Nope she picks up on it right away "Google it and get back to me" she says as she runs off to play chess with her sister.... yeah and they're not even 10 yet... I'm so doomed!! Can't wait to see what other questions you get asked when subbing, maybe you can help the rest of us know what to be prepared for as our kids near those ages.... hopefully!!

Kristy said...

The "freaks me out" part had me rolling! Oh my gosh- kids are insane! Once I had a 5th grader tell me my shirt made me look like I was in my 30s. What does that even mean?

SkylersDad said...

Really. I always suspected you were Latin!

J-Diggety said...

Haha, they are hilarious and don't even know it!! Love kids :)

Secret Sylvia said... it! Kids are always so interesting.

Former Fat Chick said...

Did they teach you the "RIGHT" way to hug kids? Yeah, side to side, never front to front contact, so sad, I was taught that for HS all-girls, broke my heart.

kim said...

Welcome back, Ms. Tova. We've all missed you!

I love kids. I especially love when I can send them back to the parents from whence they came.

(I feel compelled to also tell you that, yes, I do like kids for real. I was just being sarcastic. I assume you realize this, but some people are so damn sensitive. I don't want to get nasty emails.)

MJ said...

I really like how the kid raised his hand again... aww... i miss elemetary school!

LegalMist said...

I would have let the sad kid eat with me, too. It probably made his day. Kudos to you!

Anglo said...

I love that he asked about your eyes a second time -- as though he forgot the answer! So cute and sweet :)

Bombshellvixxen said...

Tova I am soo glad your back!!!! =)

yellaalley95 said...

Welcome back Tova :)

HAHA! Totally laughing at what your students said...Even though I'm a highschooler I could SOOO see some of the kids at my school saying things like that (heck, I might even have been on of them!)

Simply Valorie said...

This is why little kids are the best. You know... when you can send them home to their parents at the end of the day. :)

The Girl In The Frame said...

hahaha sweet post, Tova! It made me want to be a teacher so I can smile everytime I hear those things. I love the fact that you are anonymous 'cause it makes me try to imagine you in your silly situations.

Boomka said...

lol oh god I love this. "Can I eat this one?" I probably would have given that kid a high five for comic timing. This is why I wouldn't be allowed to teach children because I am one and they would learn nothing except the genius of a well timed comedic pause. Which is of course helpful... never.

gg said...





Wendy said...

I love this post. Such funny stuff! I couldn't substitute teach because I'd be taking notes all day of how funny the kids are.

kanishk said...

Nope she picks up on it right away "Google it and get back to me" she says as she runs off to play chess with her sister.... yeah and they're not even 10 yet..
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AEJones said...

Ah! I'm SO glad I found your blog! Love it! Fabulous writer!

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