Today, I substitute taught fifth grade. There were three classes that switched for three different periods. Luckily for me (and for the youth of America), I filled in for the Language Arts teacher and not for the math teacher.
There was the normal ratio of class clowns to obedient kids, and apparently the teacher rewards the obedient children by letting them eat lunch with her. I let one class clown eat with me and the good children, because toward the beginning of class he sadly told me that he sucks at everything and it broke my heart. So apparently I don't reward good behavior so much as sadness.
Fifth graders are still young enough to think it's cool to hug a teacher, but old enough to ask me for advice on what to do if they like a boy who doesn't like them (My answer: "Umm, I don't know if there's anything you can do." Really helpful, Tova.) Rather than telling you about the entire day, I will share with you the following quotes -
Me: "What are you eating?"
Student Who Is Chewing Something: "My paper."
Me: "Why are you eating your paper???"
SWICS: "Because I want to."
Me: "Um, we are not eating paper today. Go spit it out."
(SWICS goes to the garbage can, then comes back to his desk. I hand him a new piece of paper.)
SWICS: "Can I eat this one?"
Sweet Little Girl Who Asked For Love Advice: "What does your ring say?"
Me: "It says 'I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.'" (Side note, Mr. D gave me the ring for our third anniversary. Awwww....)
SLGWAFLA: "What language is it in?"
SLGWAFLA: "Are you Latin?"
Adorable Little Boy: "Your eyes look like Cheetah eyes."
Me: "Haha. Thanks?"
ALB: "They kind of freak me out."
Different Boy Who Was Fascinated By My Eyes: "How did your eyes become green?"
Me: "They've always been that color. I was born that way."
(Five minutes pass. DBWWFBME raises hand.)
DBWWFBME: "How did your eyes become green?"