Totally Awkward Tuesdays are dead, but something extremely awkward happened to me last year, and when it happened, I thought "oh my gosh, if I was still blogging, this would potentially be my most Tova's Totally Awkward moment yet." So now that I'm back (for the moment, at least), I figured I'd share it. You know, just so everyone knows that I never stopped being awkward, I just stopped writing about my tendency to embarrass myself (for mental health reasons.)
Anyway, I seem to have a lot of awkward moments that involve clothing - like when my underwear fell out of my pants at work, or when buying a padded bra made a sales clerk think I literally had no boobs, or when an ex-boyfriend's mom told me that my shirt reminded her of kinky sex, or when I learned that one of my shirts was allowing my male classmate to see my nipples, or when I fell down the stairs while wearing a short skirt (it kind of makes you wonder why I don't just live in a permanent uniform of sweatpants and turtlenecks), so it's not surprising that this is another "Tova is humiliated thanks to her choice in clothing" kind of moment. (Also, for the record, none of these awkward moments have been invented or embellished by me. I really am just this awkward.)
At some point last year, I went to church on Sunday morning, and I was actually on time for once (shocking.) My friend Andi and her husband Matt, on the other hand, showed up late, but I had saved them seats. They had a newborn at the time, so Andi sat on the end to run out more easily if their baby started to cry, and Matt sat in the seat between Andi and me.
Now about my clothes - I was wearing a plain black top and a cool Indian skirt that I got at a little boutique a few years ago. It's a wrap-around floor-length skirt kind of like the one to the right.
Except that it doesn't have elephants on it and also looks nothing like that one. But the length and wrap-i-ness of it are right. It's basically just a long rectangle of fabric that wraps around my waist and ties with a ribbon. When the church service was over, Andi turned around to talk to some friends, Matt stayed in his seat, and I stood up to get ready to go. I stood there for a few minutes because the aisle was blocked on both sides, and I couldn't leave. After a couple of minutes, I picked up my purse to put it on my shoulder. But when my purse touched my hip, I noticed that I could feel the coldness of the leather... almost as if it was touching bare skin instead of a skirt...
I looked down, and... my skirt had come untied. And was no longer covering any of the right side of my body. And I was only wearing a thong underneath. And Matt, who was still seated, was eye-level with my butt. I looked at Matt, who looked up at me and calmly said, "I think you're losing your skirt."
My face was approximately 75 shades of red as I hastily re-tied my skirt. Later, Andi told me that Matt was 100% convinced that I had been wearing NOTHING under my skirt, because all he saw was skin, so she had to tell him that I usually wear thong underwear. As she put it, she figured it would be slightly (only very slightly) less embarrassing for me if her husband knew what type of underwear I typically wear than if he thought I was going commando at church.
Clearly, I've still got it. (Awkwardness, I mean.) If you feel like blogging about how awkward you are, post about it in my comments so I know I'm not alone in my intense humiliation.
(Side note - to make myself feel better, I made a mental list of all of the people at church who I would've been even more embarrassed to show my butt to. Unfortunately, the list wasn't super long, and I really have no way of knowing if the people on it actually did see my butt...)